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After a certain point in life, acquiring a spouse no longer needs to be a package deal; that is, the toaster now comes separately. The mature bride doesn't need a toaster, place settings or matching towels. In fact, she and her beloved are probably trying to pare down their worldly possessions to combine households and adding more stuff may not make sense. But, does that mean the blushing bride has to pass on the bridal shower?

Not necessarily, says Pamela Hill Nettleton, author of Getting Married When It's Not Your First Time. "When you go back to the origins of the bridal shower, it's not just about the gifts," she says. "It really is an acknowledgment by the community that there's a new household. I am a big fan of many parties and celebrations surrounding a wedding because it solidifies a supportive community around the new couple."

Look beyond the stack of gifts and you'll find deeper reasons for throwing a pre-wedding soirée: Guests get a chance to mingle and get to know one another before the big event. Children and step-children can inspect the new partner in her natural habitat — surrounded by friends and family. And the bride-to-be can see that her support network will be there during an exciting and — and inevitably, stressful — life event and ever after.

Presents or Presence?

So how to deal with that pesky matter of presents? Many couples are tossing tradition to the winds and making up their own meaningful events. Instead of shower gifts, some request donations to a favorite charity, a share in a cow from Heifer International or the gracious route of "No gifts, please. Your presence is the present we most desire." Others narrow the theme to a specific category of gifts that make sense.

"If someone's getting married later in life, you can reasonably assume they have towels and a toilet plunger," Nettleton says. "But what they also have is a really full life with lots of interests. I have encouraged people to register creatively in one area that speaks to those interests."

Vicki Bottom, of Sheridan, Oregon, is the shower diva in her circle of friends and family, and has thrown countless bashes for brides — and grooms — of all ages. "For people who are already established, I like to use themes," she says, such as gardening, reading, travel, lingerie or wine. She also likes creating a theme around the honeymoon destination. She hosted a memorable luau-themed shower for her then-70-year-old father, who was married in Hawaii. "The buffet included fruit, finger Jello, pork roast, veggie plates, pineapple upside-down cake and champagne punch. Everyone wore Hawaiian print clothes. We had leis, tiki torches and other beach-type decorations," she says. "Gifts were fun, including a travel book for Oahu, flip-flops, matching beach towels, reservations at Top of Waikkii restaurant and lei greetings at the airport."

Having Fun

Bottom doesn't have anything against giving toasters, though. In fact, at another shower, she collected thrift-store toasters and wrapped them as decoy gifts. "After about three toasters, the couple became suspicious of the rest of the gifts. I think they got 12-13 toasters, which they re-donated to the secondhand store, but it was hilarious," she recalls. "It's strange to me how some of my friends/family don't want me to plan things for them because they are unsure what might happen."

But of course, with showers — as with love — the unexpected is often the most wonderful.

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